Showing posts with label My Thoughts. Show all posts

I will never be Her

I can't compete with her
I can't have the beauty you so crazed about on her
Her milky soft skin, her blushing fair complexion
I can't compete how her glances make you swoon in just a second
Her twinkling big eyes and her beaming smile alluring back at you
I can't compete how you both went to the same school and had the same struggle of college experiences
She may be there when you crammed to study for your exam
Or helped you laugh when you can't finish a damn project.
But most of all, I can't compete how she makes you feel.
I may and will never know how just the mere thought of her on your busy mind, can make up to your stressful day.
I scramble to find a way to make you feel the same or more with me.
And even if all my efforts are a labor of love,
There's no way, I realize, that I can make you feel the same and nor in the end,
will you choose me.

Dec 12, 2016 10:14 PM

To the guy I treasure

To the guy I treasure,

You may have little knowledge on how much I care for you. From the moment I wake up, even though I had a good dream, my thoughts are all at once directed into thinking - "did you message me?", "did you have a good day at work?", "Was your knee still in pain?", "Who accompanied you during lunch?" & "Did you even eat anything the whole day?".

When I go to sleep, I'd check my phone and count two hours before to wonder what time is it there in Houston and if you are already awake. Thinking if it rained or was it sunny, I'd imagine you on weekends with a plaid button down shirt and shades on. Or wearing a grey and black tux for work. Your job in training, I'd wonder if you're there standing in front of many students, teaching what you do best and smiling when you've realized they've had a good time learning with you.

My thoughts have always found a space to worry and think about you. Maybe that's what long distance relationships are like. Your mere absence creates a heavier sense of longing and awful kind of worrying every now and then.

It kills to have this behavior. So I try to fancy myself over things to do at work. I make it a point to have a regular exercise regime weekly. And go out with friends over drinks and activities. So when I talk to you, I have so much to tell and so much to show you that I can be spontaneous when we'll be together someday.

The date may be ambiguous. I may not know when it will be. But I am trying to prepare and be my best self. So when the perfect time comes and you'll meet me, you won't regret the rendezvous and say, "You are worth it, babe."

Jan.08, 2016 for RTH

Reviewing your life at 30

You remember making that collage about your dreams at 30, from cut-out magazine models and scribbles from your fancy coloured pencils. 

When you look back over the years, a lot has changed for you. You've grown up looking forward to the same dreams as your peers. But you change, and your life path took a different road. Your dreams have changed, your aspirations took a different turn. You refused to be domesticated and monotonous.

Do I regret any of it? No. There were more times that I experienced things of the ordinary and events that can only happen in movies. A Filipina's worth and success was often measured if she's able to build her own family at 30 despite her failure in career. 

But I know I'm not just a Filipina. God revealed that I'm a different woman. If ever I was the same as others, I won't be striving that much harder to be better at everything and dreaming more ambitious goals. I sometimes get tired of trying and questioning the Lord why a blessing that I receive will be taken away from me. Then I fool myself to believe, there's always a good purpose that only someday I'll be able to understand.

For now, I'll just enjoy the risk of failure, of what I can be capable of doing and achieving. And as for being me, my heart would still stick to is own uniqueness and bravery.

(written on my Notes phone last November 25, 2016)#

My Thoughts

2015 in activity review

I know it's kind of late but I just need to run through the past year 2015 and be thankful for what it has taught me and excitingly let me experience.

Again, I call my 2015 year as a year of whirlwind romances. Ok start judging me from here. Haha, I think I won't even care. I can even post up a collage of these men. LOL. But I won't ofcourse cause as they say "Don't Kiss and Tell". Ok...I'm starting to write away from my original train of thought. 

Here are my 2015 highlights per period. It wasn't that all plenty compared to my 2009 calendar of activities. I could have wished it were the same quantity but I couldn't be more thankful of what 2015 have offered me to experience.

~My 2015~

January
17-18 - Baguio trip with Ate Lor and Tintin
¬still going to the gym every Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays¬
24 - started dating a Persian I met at a coffeshop while I was working
30 - Late Christmas Party with the Asensados (my Nestle group of friends) at Timog

February
15 - Louise's birthday dinner at Masil (first time to eat at a authentic Korean resto!)
21 - received first message from Tristen which I first didn't care about
28 - conversation with Tristen that changed the course of my life

March
03 - Despedida inuman for Cy at Tiendesitas
14 - sprained my left ankle :(

April
01 - Tristen's birthday and sent him my first hand-drawn portrait of him and a Snack gift package but someone stole it at his door 
     - videoke at Redbox with the Vees

02 - long drive fieldwork for Maundy Thursday with Ate Lor & Tintin at NLEX
25 - Tintin's college graduation & celebratory lunch at a steakhouse in Tomas Morato
       then dinner w/ Guisando family at Ped & Coi's Fishermall
29 - 2Go ship for Boracay & my first super economy experience

May
01 - LaBORACAY!! with Jeff, Earvin, Joanna & Hannah
08-10 - Cebu stay at Crimson Mactan Resort & Spa with family

June
12 - the moment I strived to look for jobs in the USA because of a sad lovelife reason
14 - avocado harvest season! (ok this is a big thing as we got a sack full of harvest and were greedy with it lol)
17 - Aica's birthday celebration at 
27 - sister bonding at Flawless facial & Kenny Roger's dinner ( this happens rarely )

July
05 - carelessly cut deep my toe by a shattered glass, first time I got myself operated/sewn
13 - Lola Justa rested in peace :(
17-20 - flew w/ family to Lawis to arrange & attend Lola's wake & burial
30-31 - overnight at Baguio for fieldwork of North Luzon area w/ Jeff, Kat, James & Ian

August
14 - Ada's baby shower at Fish & Co
15 - lunch w/ family at Korean restaurant , no celebration just eating

September
12 - organized baby shower for Nicole
15 - Nicole gave birth to Andrei, the first baby of our generation
26 - joined Uno Premier
28 - met Tristan.

October
¬my return to gym life after my toe has fully healed & using Tristan's waterbottle
11 - Revor's birthday dinner celebration at Romulo's Cafe Makati
16 - dinner catch up w/ Kaye & Carlo at Cafe
17-18 - outing in San Juan Batangas with family
30 - Trick or Treat at San Miguel Purefoods office w/ our station as Angry
31 - Halloween with Tristan

November
14 - MJ's son Miguel's 1st birthday party at Tierra Pura clubhouse
17 - 23 first ever solo travel to Bali, Indonesia!
19 - my 30th birthday at Bali
20 - met new friends while in Bali, Angie & the Latino boys Francisco & partied in Sky Garden
22 - met Australian Chris
26 - renewal of driver's license (it was memorable for anyone I know)
30 - Noonsaram Bingsu dessert w/ daddy, Nicole w/ Andrei & Louise (even if I have tonsilitis)

December
11 - One San Miguel Corporate Christmas Gathering w/ our costume theme as 70's
14 - Mystery Manila with the Vees & Liam & Jun
18 - Franchising Business Christmas party at Somerset boss' house
21 - Asensados' Christmas party at MusicMatch KTV
22 - Agro-marketing peeps Christmas Party at Victoria Court (lol we have no budget & have to pay)
23 - Star Wars movie with family at Fairview Terraces
25 - Christmas party & reunion with the Migrasos & Guisandos (as usual game party host at your service)
30-31 - Taal Vista Hotel Tagaytay staycation with family


See, I have to push some simple occasions as highlights since not much was done in 2015 but I surely remembered those few dates that were special and with more quality. I will be coming back to edit this review as my memory seems to forget some name of the places.

Returning to the Life of Public Personal Blogging



I decided today to make this personal blog public, as it has always been when I first started it in 2005 through Xanga and Multiply. I came across a very inspirational blog by American country singers Rory and his incredible late wife, Joey. The blog is "This Life I Live" and you can tell by how Mr. Rory writes that he is deeply and truly loved by an incredible woman and the people around him, in the way he writes about them, which surely also reflects his wonderful "Cowboy" character. 

By this, I got inspired to write again in my personal blog. Not just write anything that could interest anyone on the net, but just write what my heart intends to express! In freedom, in hope, and in the faith that it would heal me and also help others realize that exposing ourselves in public through writing online is liberating and can't always be a bad effect on our image. Now that I find the meaning of life, "image" is something that I shouldn't be too careful about. I'm not running for office or any image-dependent work. Anyway, I'm saying this because I've been writing in a structured manner in my travel blog. And that I've realized that it may be the reason why I don't finish one article fast enough or write that much nowadays, considering I travelled to so many places for the past three years and missed on writing about them. So do you hear me out? <wink> <wink>

After I read Mr.Rory's soul-uplifting blog (and ofcourse, I can't help tearing up on every article he wrote), I went back to this personal blog that I have. I scrolled down to check on articles that I can add up to my travel blog. Came across "Cold-windy-beautiful-edinburgh-scotland" and said to myself "Alas! I have something to transfer to spicytrekker :)" But then I began to read each and every old blog I have written 2010, then 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006 until I reached my very first entry in 2005 as a college student "Life or something like it". It was a short three liner blog entry. Then I thought to my myself, I began writing as if it is my personal diary. I did not care who will be reading it as I'm a low profile city girl. No one's going to take interest. I have no other outlet for my feelings. I have few friends. Ok, I like writing, I'd better start a blog. That for sure was my thought back then.

Nowadays, not all bloggers have the same purpose of just belting out their feelings and experiences online. Mostly now it is for ads that give money or a way to showcase how great or (vise versa) tragic their life is. Some use it for PR, a link to their work, search for someone to date, to fool and take revenge or extort money from or what have you. Eversince I saw how many servers or hardware are maintained to keep our posts and emails online and at bay, my behavior of writing and posting is as careful as possible. I begin to be cautious that every post should be of sense and of help. But actually now I realized there are more posts out there wasting every megabyte.

So what am I ranting about? No I am just inspired. :) I was laughing earlier reading my old blogs and how carelessly I comment, replied on comments like an innocent teen. And I'm 30 now, I know better.

How do we measure Success?




Its the new year, 1:47am on my clock, and here I am thinking about what has gone through with my life. What have I achieved and overcame over the past year? What have I failed at and what have I did not try again to do over failure?

But how does one really measure one's success? We have three aspects in our lives which we measure ourselves. We check our career, lovelife and physical health. Ofcourse, for some people it may be more, adding spiritual life and social status. For singles like me, at 27 years old, we are in our mid-life crisis in which we begin to seriously check if we have achieved what we have written in our school essays, "Who Am I 10 years after?". It may be a small question 10 years ago, but it becomes a big question today.

In career, am I already a supervisor or a manager? Do I work for something I like? Do I have healthy working relationships with my colleagues and suppliers? Do my boss like me and do I likely to have a promotion? At times, when we don't get what we want by 27, we decide that if we don't change our career now, we might ruin our career life forever.

When it comes to our lovelife, am I in a stable relationship that will lead to marriage? Am I ready to live through my whole life with the partner I'm with today? Do I think my partner think of me the same as his/her forever one? If we know that it is impossible to create a family with the one we're with, we begin to think that we should leave the relationship.Otherwise, most of us have been in the relationship for so long that we think an alternative to let ourselves stay, mold the person we're with or just accept him/her for who he/she is.

Lastly, we look at ourselves in the mirror and check if we like what we see. Some get joyous thinking that a little fat or a moustache will likely make them look more grown up. For women, we still dream that slender 36-24-36 body we longed for since we're 12 years old. Have we maintained or finally achieved the ideal body type we've always wanted? Does the lines in our face illustrate lines of happiness or sadness? I have recently discovered that we mostly recognize a person's age through one's eyes. Not exactly the human body age, but the age of experience the person has gone through. If only I can take pictures of people's eyes and show you how easy it is to see if one is in difficult times but is trying to be gay despite of it. Or if someone's eyes show a sign of innocence and carefreeness of what life may serve her.


These three factors may be irrelevant for some people when measuring success. Some will just measure it by the feeling they have when New Year strikes the clock. Do you feel happiness when you welcome the New Year? Or do you feel like you're fearing the road ahead? Do you avoid the celebration and prevent yourself from seeing the grandeus fireworks? Whatever you feel about the New Year today, set it aside and just be thankful that you are still alive despite you being successful or not last year. Everyday has its ups and downs, and God is always giving us a another day to start anew. It may seem daunting if you haven't achieved the things you wanted for 2012, but it is always not too late to try again in 2013. Happy New Year guys :)

Australia's Next Top Model 3 Commercial




My favorite promotional commercial of AuNTM. I love this season! So many potential models from their range of contestants. Australia NTM has better girls than America's NTM. Even without make up, they look beautiful (as Napoleon Perdis says "complexion perfection!"). Whenever I watch America's Next Top Model, the girls look very haggard without make up and most of have forced themselves to tan their skin which is really unnecessary.

Awww..I wanna be a model by just watching this.

Life or something like it

pressing my fingers unto this keyboard gives me a sense of freedom and joy.
I've just heard that our friend is going to be a father na! sort of sad and happy. pls. guess why. Thanks to the internet and all of us can share our thoughts and experiences anywhere in the world. Wait for my upcoming posts!
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